Hiatus

There is nothing wrong.

In fact, all is right.

I just need to take an official break from blogging.

I am too busy! Blogging, which includes not only writing my own blog but also reading others' blogs, has become way too much of a chore and an obligation. I hate it when I get behind and then I feel guilty.

When, in fact, I am doing all I need to do.

Taking care of my boys and myself and my unborn baby.

Which, by the way, according to the preliminary amnio results, does not have Down syndrome, Trisomy-13 or Trisomy-18. YAY!

I will be on Facebook for those of you who are over there.

And I am not saying good-bye forever.

But the leaves are orange and yellow and red.

The Christmas music has started.

The tradition of drinking hot chocolate together on Saturday mornings in Nov and Dec has begun.

I couldn't be happier.

I just don't have time to blog.

I'll be back.

Don't worry.

:)

The best $40 I ever spent

Sorry it's been awhile.

The boys have been sick.

It started with Andrew. We noticed some red, blistery spots on his hands last Saturday. I immediately thought of hand, foot, and mouth disease. First of all, this is not hoof and mouth disease. It is simply a virus. Many people have not heard of it. But here is a brief description:

HFMD usually affects infants and children, and is quite common. It is moderately contagious and is spread through direct contact with the mucus, saliva, or feces of an infected person. It typically occurs in small epidemics in nursery schools or kindergartens, usually during the summer and autumn months. The usual incubation period is 3–7 days.

It is basically known for painful blisters on the hands, feet, mouth, and tongue. A fever is usually present, and b/c of the mouth/tongue blisters, the child doesn't want to eat.

Thankfully, Andrew's *only* symptom was the blisters. He had some on his hands, feet, bottom, and a couple in his mouth. He never got a fever, he never had trouble eating (no more than usual), and he never even seemed to feel bad at ALL.

So all day Saturday and Sunday, we kept the boys separated (which is hard) to try and prevent Benjamin from getting it. It is not an air-borne illness, so contact was the key.

However, a few hours after he'd been asleep on Sunday night, Benjamin woke up crying. I think it was 12:30.

And you moms know, when your child who never wakes up in the middle of the night, wakes up, he/she is sick.

And you have to gear yourself up for your Mommy Duty.

Well, when I went to check on him, there really didn't seem to be anything wrong with him. I held him for awhile and he went back to sleep.

Until 4:30.

When he woke up screaming. And burning up with a fever.

The next day wasn't really that bad. I saw a few light spots on his bottom, but no huge blisters. And he wasn't especially irritable. I called and spoke with the doctor. She confirmed that it was most likely HFM, and told me to just try and keep them comfortable. They are no longer contagious when they've been fever free for 24 hours. (And since Andrew never developed a fever, he was fine, even though he still has a few fading blisters.)

At this point, I assumed Benjamin just had a mild case like his brother.

I continued to give him Tylenol and Motrin to keep his fever down and any discomfort at bay.

That night (Monday) was uneventful, as was Tuesday. He didn't feel great, and certainly wasn't his usual chipper and smiley self, but nothing big.

Then Tuesday night came.

Oh my goodness, y'all.

Even with two newborns, I have never been up so much at night.

I've never had to go up and down the stairs so much.

To hold one of my babies that much.

To try so hard to bring comfort when there wasn't really much I could do.

Between 11:30 and 6:30, he woke up every 30 to 60 minutes. I think I went up there eight or nine times. He would just be sitting there in his crib, crying. In pain. Hot with fever. I would hold him, sing with him, pray for him, rock him in the chair, give him medicine when I could. Get him back to sleep.

Then he'd wake up again. And I would groan, throw back the covers, and trudge up 16 stairs. At one point, at about 6 a.m., after I got him back to sleep and left his room, I just curled up in a ball right outside his room (at the top of the stairs) on the carpet and passed out. I just couldn't do the stairs again...going back to bed, getting my hopes up that I was going to get some sleep.

By 6:30 he was up for the day. Matthew got the boys up, as usual, and when he brought them downstairs to me, he asked me if I had seen the blisters on B's tongue.

I hadn't. It had been dark. I was half awake.

But there they were. Horrible. White. Covering a great deal of his tongue. Obviously painful.

Poor, poor baby of mine.

There was only so much pain medicine could do for us yesterday. It was hard for him to eat, and he was so clingy. Both my boys have always done well playing independently. So for me to have to hold him and walk around with him most of the day was hard for me. Especially when I had things to do. You know, like eat and pee.

I called his wonderful doctor as soon as they opened at 9:00 and asked her what I could do to help his mouth. I had read online and heard from friends that there is a mixture of Benedryl and Maalox you can coat their mouth with (or have them drink) to help with the blisters. But the doctor had something better for us.

Magic Mouthwash

It's a prescription, and it's a compound. We're familiar with compounds. You can only get them at certain pharmacies (Kingwood, for you local folks) b/c they have to make them there on site. One of Benjamin's heart medications was a compound. So we knew that insurance does not cover them.

Matthew left early from work so he could pick up the MM from Kingwood. It was just shy of $40. But at this point, I didn't care. I had heard back from some of my Facebook peeps that the MM worked wonders.

So when B woke up early from his nap, I gave him a dose. It's supposed to be 1 tsp four times a day. It said it might cause drowsiness. I was hoping it would help to not only ease his mouth discomfort but maybe even help him to go back to sleep.

No dice.

The next two or three hours, he was SO clingy and SO fussy. Thankfully, my mom came and got Andrew when he woke up from his nap and put him to bed at her house, so I was able to focus on Benjamin. Even though after my horrible night and only a 45-minute nap (for me) and no shower, I didn't really want to take care of Benjamin anymore. LOL

So Matthew watched him and fed him dinner while I took a shower and got a break.

Benjamin got a nice bath and then we went upstairs to take him to bed.

It was time for another dose of the MM. And as I gave it to him, I realized my mistake from earlier. The instructions said 1 tsp. I had measured to the 1 on the syringe that came with the MM and gave it to him.

Yeah.

The wrong side of the syringe.

I had given him 1 mL, not 1 tsp. (A tsp equals 5 mL.)

No wonder it hadn't helped. I had only give him 1/5 of what he needed.

I'm just thankful that I realized it before bed. Because if we had had a repeat of the previous night because I misread the syringe, I would have been so mad at myself!

After we put him to bed, we ate a yummy dinner of poppyseed chicken casserole and rice, steamed broccoli, and crescent rolls. (Matthew watched B while I cooked, and I was so glad b/c the food was definitely something I needed!) Then I drove less than ten minutes to my younger brother's house to watch the season four premiere of Friday Night Lights. It's only available to DirecTV subscribers, and he has DirecTV! So now I don't have to wait until NBC airs the episodes next summer. It was a great break, and wonderful to be able to watch Coach Taylor FNL again! On the way home from Justin's, I stopped off at Mom's and got Andrew so he could finish out the night at our house. He's so sweet when he's asleep. LOL

I got into bed at about 11:30, not sure how the night was going to go.

But like the title of this really long, rambling post says, buying that MM was the best $40 I have ever spent.

Benjamin slept all night, waking up at his normal 6:20, and I got a luxurious seven hours of sleep.

Today he's not better. Not by a long shot. He's still eating poorly, the blisters still look horribly painful, and he's fussy and clingy.

But I've had more sleep, and I know we're on the way out of the woods.

I kept Andrew home from preschool on Tuesday just in case, but today was one of only two field trips this year, so Matthew was able to take the morning off and take him. (They're going to the Rock City Enchanted Corn Maze.) Andrew will still be able to go trick-or-treating on Saturday, and it won't matter if Benjamin can or not.

I'm just glad this is not an illness that Matthew or I can get! And when Benjamin got sick, it was almost a relief from the perspective that we no longer had to keep the boys apart.

I went back to the doctor on Tuesday for my 17-week check up. The baby looks great. Nice, strong heartbeat, and all the measurements are right on track. (He turned the screen away when he measured the femur so I wouldn't catch a peek of the gender, or lack thereof!)

My amnio is next Tuesday, so I will update more about the baby later!

Now it's time to try and get Benjamin to eat lunch. Fun, fun.

Swallow study = good

Sorry for the delay: Andrew's swallow study went fine. He ate the foods well and passed w/flying colors. They said all looked normal. So I talked to his pediatrician and she said that it's probably a combination of small mouth/throat vs large tonsils. We're going to wait until summer and see an ENT about removing the tonsils. Meanwhile, we're giving him soft foods in small portions.

More later about other things...just busy right now w/laundry and dishes. You know, the usual. :)

Really, just not much to say

I haven't been neglecting blogging for any particular reason.

I just don't have anything to say, really.

Things here are pretty normal. Except that Andrew is going for a swallow study tomorrow. Yes, you read that right. It says "Andrew," not "Benjamin." He's always been a picky and slow eater, but it's gotten really bad lately. He just chews food and holds it and sometimes complains that it won't go down his throat. His pediatrician sounded concerned, so we went to see her last week. She said his tonsils weren't exceptionally large, but that she wanted him to see an ENT doctor, but she wanted him to have a swallow study done first.

For those of you who aren't familiar with a swallow study, here's the gist. You take the child in hungry. (His appt is at 1:00 p.m., so he can eat a light breakfast but that's all.) They coat several foods (banana, cookie, applesauce) and some liquids (thin and thick consistencies) with barium. (Thankfully, they can also add flavoring to it, something we never had to do w/Benjamin, but will most likely be necessary w/Andrew.) Then they have the child eat each food and drink each drink while they take a video x-ray of the entire process. The barium shows up nicely on the x-ray, and they are able to determine if the food and liquids go where they're supposed to go, and if the child has any abnormalities swallowing.

Because of the x-ray part, Matthew is having to take Andrew, since x-rays and pregnancy don't bode well together.

----------------

Hmmm....what else?

Oh, we have some ants in our kitchen. Not many, so far, and the exterminator is coming tomorrow. At least it's keeping the cats entertained.

-----------------

OH! Benjamin has started to sign a little bit. We've been working. And working. And working on sign language for many months. Mainly just the basics. So the other day, actually while the boys and I were waiting for the doctor to see Andrew, I gave Benjamin some Cheerios (Multigrain, his favorite) in his stroller snack tray. When he finished them, he looked up at me, put his chubby little fingers together, and made the sign for "more."

I might have cried.

And then I called Matthew, and he might have cried.

See, when you have a delayed child, it worries you when things are delayed even when you know they're going to be delayed. Some children w/DS don't talk until they're three or four. Or six or seven. Or never. Seriously. This is my possible reality now.

But now he's started to communicate. Even if it's just a little bit.

It gives us hope.

Plus, he's just so dang cute when he does it.

Now we're working on "all finished," which he's done a few times, but not when he's really finished.

Oh, well, it's a start.

------------------------

Oops. Guess I did have some things to say.

:)

My advice to someone who just got a diagnosis of DS for their child

Through Facebook, I found the blog of a family who just found out, via amniocentesis, that their fourth child has Down syndrome.

Needless to say, their lives have now completely changed, and they are trying to come to grips with it.

I left him (the dad is the one writing) a comment, and after I hit "publish," I decided to post it over here on my blog.

I figure I've been on a little bloggy break anyway, and this is fresh material. LOL

But I really hope it might help someone else. You never know.

We all deal with these things differently.

Here is how I deal.

The blog address, in case you'd like to stop by: http://thehaganxp.wordpress.com/

My response to his post about being devastated, angry, and numb:

Okay, seriously? This sucks. I’ve been there. Except we found out about an hour after our second son was born. We don’t find out the sex of our babies either, so we were looking forward to finding out if we were going to be bringing home a Benjamin or a Katherine. Never dreaming that we’d bring home a life that we never, ever thought would happen to us.

He is now 18 months old. So it’s still fairly new.

Everyone here who has commented has good intentions. I remember getting the same kind of encouragement. I remember not wanting to read another blasted book about DS b/c all it did was depress me. I remember not wanting to hear about another child’s accomplishment b/c even though it was great for that child and for that parent, it was still a delay, and that was not what I wanted for my son.

I remember everyone telling me that I would one day be okay with this. That I would even (GASP) think of it as a blessing.

No. Freaking. Way.

But you know what?

They’re right.

You can’t see it now. God knows if you could, you’d be some sort of superhuman. You have to go through this process of mourning and just being sick about it (not everyone does, but most of us did) and thinking that you’ll never look at your child or think of your life without hearing/seeing “downsyndromedownsyndromedownsyndrome.” It’s all those months and months and, dare I say, years, of coming to grips with it that forms the new you.

Because I don’t know a single parent of a child w/DS who doesn’t eventually think it’s the greatest thing that ever could have happened.

EVEN THOUGH AT TIMES WE HATE THE DIAGNOSIS.

And even though I never, ever, ever thought I would say it. It almost shames me to say it simply b/c I am having to eat my own words.

I am not a bumper-sticker mom. I don’t chastise people for saying things that are politically incorrect. I haven’t even been on a Buddy Walk. I’m still, 18 months later, coming to grips with all of this.

And even though you may think you never will, you just can’t help yourself.

It’s like a club you never wanted to join, but once you unwillingly do, you realize that life is different here and that we all get to be a part of something that no one else truly gets.

Give yourself time. You don’t have to read the books now. You don’t have to read all the blogs. Please don’t Google every possible birth defect. You’ll go nuts.

Just be.

Mourn.

Smile when you can.

Embrace the fact that this is now your reality but it won’t always be.

We’ll be here for you when you have questions or want to cry or scream or just talk. There is always someone who is farther along on this journey, and there is always someone who is not quite as far.

Above all, just be honest. It’s truly the only way to grow through this.

Quick update

Sorry for the temporary hiatus.

We are actually at the beach right now.

Last-minute decision. :)

I might have to make my blog private.

Or just stop it altogether and delete it all.

I don't want to make it private b/c I know as a blog reader that it's a pain to have to sign in to read a blog, and a lot of times it's not worth the hassle to me.

And I don't want to stop/delete it b/c I love it.

No one is threatening me.

I'm not in danger.

I just have a person I don't want to read it.

To read my words.

To read about our lives.

And most especially to see pictures of my precious boys. Especially my Benjamin. Whom she thinks would be better off if he wasn't even alive. Because you know, his life will amount to nothing. He'll never be able to run outside with other kids or play sports. He'll have a miserable life because we didn't pray for God's will when I was pregnant. Because God's will was for him to just die when I was pregnant with him. Because we were selfish to have him because we wanted what WE wanted and not what was best for him. (I hope you can sense my dripping sarcasm and utter disgust here.)

Okay. I just made my decision.

I am not making my blog private.

I am not deleting it.

I don't even know if my mother-in-law knows I have a blog. But I know she's on Facebook. But she cannot find me because I blocked her. But I refuse to hide my blog. If she is reading this then let her. She can't do anything about it.

It is her loss.

I don't know a single soul sweeter than my son. And it is her loss.

October 3--One year later

**WARNING--Some of these pictures are graphic**

Benjamin is growing and developing great these days. Physically, he's able to do quite a bit. I'm amazed at how well he is doing.

Sometimes life does seem just like a day in the park.





Of course, one year ago today, on October 3, 2008, things were not at all gleeful.

At 7:30 a.m., I handed him over to the nurses at Vanderbilt Children's Hospital.



And he had his heart fixed.



It took my breath away to see this picture again.



And to think of how far we've come.

Sure, life isn't all a day in the park. Even when we're at the park, I see children Benjamin's age running around and going up and down stairs and down slides unassisted.

Even though that part isn't as hard as the fact that he's so terribly behind verbally.

And he always will be.

But you know what?

It's okay.

Even though as I'm typing this I have tears rolling down my cheeks because no matter how okay with it I am, it still saddens me, it's still okay.

I have so much to be thankful for.

I can hear Benjamin playing with his toys in his playpen in the next room.

I can hear loud banging and cars crashing upstairs in the bonus room where Andrew is.

I can see Matthew across the room working on the dishes from our dinner last night.

It is a beautiful, crisp autumn day.

God's mercies truly are new each morning. His love surely is all I need.

It's okay.

In fact, somedays, it's more than okay.

It's a day in the park.

Fall Festival Wordless Wednesday

Smiling

Now this kid knows how to smile for the camera. This is Andrew's friend Christian. (Look at his hair!! He's famous for it.)

So he knows how to smile...



...and he knows when to be silly...



My child, however? *This* is how he smiles for the camera. He scrunches up his face. It's cute.

But it's also kinda annoying.



Especially when he really gets into it.



Speaking of annoying, Frank is about to drive me nuts. When he wants food, he gets on the counter and starts knocking stuff off.

Ugh.



But this one?

Never annoying.

Nothing but love.

NYC

Matthew was out of town quite a bit the past couple of weeks, training for his new position at CIGNA. He was in Bloomfield, Connecticut. Which is right outside of Hartford. Which is about a two-hour drive to Manhattan.

One of our favorite places.

My best friend, Joyce, and her husband Shibu, and their precious nine-month-old son Zachary live right in the heart of the city.

We've visited them twice, and even went to NYC once before they lived there.

So we've been three times. Each time was absolutely fabulous.

The first time we went, it was about two-and-a-half months after 9-11. Matthew had secretly been planning a big NYC trip (I had never been) for our one-year anniversary in November 2001. On September 11, after tragedy struck, he told me about the trip. We were both somber as we realized we weren't sure at that point if we'd even be able to go.

But we did, and we had a great time. We went to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, and had a BALL.

The second time we went was early December 2002. I'm not quite sure why we went except that we just wanted to. You know, before kids, you can do stuff like that. By now, Joyce and Shibu were married and lived in the city, so we stayed with them. It snowed like CRAZY while we were there, and it was AMAZING. It was the most snow they'd gotten in like two years. Beautiful, beautiful. December 4, 2002 will always be referred to as the "Best Day Ever" (or "B.D.E.") by Matthew and me. We woke up to snow covering the city. Manhattan was already decked out for Christmas. We window shopped and walked around the city all day. It. Was. Magical.

The third time was April 2005. It was my spring break (I was a teacher), and we drove this time. We spent four days in NYC and three in D.C. This is referred to as the "B.T.E." (Or "Best Trip Ever) It was so much fun. To quote Rachel Zoe, it was bananas.

But we haven't been back. Not since April 2005. Not since kids.

I'm just not ready.

Not ready for it to change.

Not ready for it to be a lot of work.

You know, kind of like how it is at the beach with kids.

It's just different now.

And I'm still holding onto the NYC that I know and love.

Anyway, Matthew had an extra day, so he and his rental car made the drive into the city. I was uber-jealous. But I let him take the camera. (Even though I felt naked all week without it!!)

Here are some of the pictures he took:

NYC from the plane





A great street shot



A landmark: The Naked Cowboy. I can't believe he's still there. If you have never seen him, get thee to Times Square. Yes, he's wearing undies. Tighty-whities. Two pairs, actually. (I saw a special on him once.) Matthew got a better picture, but it's quite...umm...form-fitting...so I decided not to post it. LOL



Matthew met Shibu for lunch, and he snapped some pictures of Matthew. Here is one of them.



See the Statue of Liberty? Yeah, that's a person dressed up. Weird. Matthew said he would move and stuff. Yikes.



Oh, Central Park, how I love thee.





Matthew said he had fun. But then he said, "You know, it just wasn't the same without you." Awww...thanks, Babe.

Now this is more like it:

Matthew's Birthday

As you read in my last post, Matthew had a birthday last week. He turned 32. What a baby. LOL (I am six months and four days older, but we were both born the same year. Shout out to 1977!)

Here are a few pics from his birthday.

We started out with a little silliness with Daddy and the boys. I played several versions of "Happy Birthday" from the computer, and we all sang along. Except Benjamin. He just looked scared for a second and then smiled and clapped. We sang along with the Sesame Street characters and then Mister Rogers. Ahhh....it doesn't get better than Mister Rogers.





Then that night we went to my parents' house where we had a family celebration. I bought all the ingredients earlier in the day for my SIL Edie to make her yummmmy chicken enchiladas (Matthew's choice). I made refried beans w/carmelized onions and cheese, Spanish rice, and I picked up chips and salsa from Salsarita's. We all stuffed ourselves.

Then we got the boys ready for bed so that the adults could stay up and play games. Here is a picture I know you ladies will appreciate...

Even the most helpful husband doesn't always pay attention to the details.

You know, like throwing the diaper away after you change it.

I laughed when I saw it, and I took this picture right in front of him, stating, "This is so going on my blog." ;)



Andrew and Daddy worked on a puzzle before bed.



Random picture of the birthday boy. LOL



Andrew chased him down the hall. I took this picture over my head, upside down, not even looking. Not bad, eh?



Once the boys were in bed, the games began. We had three teams competing at Scene It: Seinfeld. I got this for Christmas, and we've only played it once before. That was on my 32nd birthday. My team won.

So I was okay with the fact that Matthew's team (which was also comprised of both my parents and my Aunt Eunice) won.

Except that my team (me, my cousin Philip, and his wife (cousin-in-law?) Crystal) really won.

Because another team (cousin Casandra, my brothers Justin and Michael, and my SIL Edie) contested that Casandra said her answer at the same time that I said my answer (earlier in the game).

When we all knew that I really said the answer first. That would have won the game for us.

But I'm not bitter.



Here are a couple of action shots from the night. I have many more, but they shall remain private. Ha ha ha :)

At long last...Strawberry Sprite Cake

So for Matthew's birthday last week, he wanted a strawberry Sprite cake. Several of you have asked for the recipe.

Here's the short version: Mix one box of strawberry cake mix with a 12-ounce can of Sprite. (Use Sprite Zero for a diet version. This is actually a Weight Watchers recipe, but I don't know how many WW points it has per serving.) Cook for 25 to 30 minutes on 350 or until a toothpick comes out clean. Cut into squares. Top with Cool Whip (fat free if desired) and fresh strawberries. (We also used blueberries.)

Done.

It is literally that easy.

But in true Angela form, I had to take pictures.

So here is the long version.

Here are the only ingredients you need for the cake:



See my wall hanging? My good friend Stephanie gave it to me several months ago. (I typed it into my blog header as kind of the "theme" for my blog.) I remember at Benjamin's first birthday party, my younger brother Justin (always the cynic) looked at it, scoffed, and said, "What's up with the trite saying?" My older brother Michael (always the joker) put his hand on his shoulder and said, "That's why they're trite, Thor...they're true." (Don't ask about the nickname...it's been around for years, courtesy of Michael, and it just stuck.)



So, you got it? TWO ingredients. Do not add anything else. No matter what the box says. You can use another brand of cake, but we are a Duncan Hines family. Like I said above, you can use regular Sprite or Sprite Zero. If you have a larger container (like a 20 oz or a 2-liter), just measure out 12 ounces.



We had 11 adults plus Andrew (who would live on cake if I'd let him) to serve, and because this cake doesn't rise, it doesn't go very far. So I made two.



Grease and flour your pans, just like you would with any cake. What? You don't do that. Well, you should.



Mix the Sprite with the dry cake mix and stir. It will be lumpy. Just get out as many lumps as you can but don't overmix.



Pour into the pan(s).



Let the birthday boy lick the bowl as he reluctantly agrees to let you take his picture for the blog he doesn't read unless you force him.



You need basically two other ingredients for the cake topping. Strawberries and Cool Whip. I used one pound per cake, so I picked up two containers of strawberries. Walmart's actually looked and tasted GREAT this time!

You will want to cut them up, top them with sugar, put them in the fridge, and let them make their own syrup. I did this only about six hours before we ate them and they were fine, but there wasn't a whole lot of that syrup. If you like them goopier, let them sit longer. If you don't like them goopy at all, just cut them right before you serve them.







Bake the cake(s) at 350 degrees. I cooked both cakes at once, and they were ready in 30 minutes. (Stick a toothpick in, and it should come out clean or *almost* clean. Don't overcook!!!!) So if you only cook one cake, check it at like 25 minutes just to be sure. Notice how the cake did not rise. It won't. I already told you that.



Because you use Cool Whip, you don't actually top it until you do your individual servings. That way everyone can use what they want. (Fat free Cool Whip, regular Cool Whip, strawberries, blueberries, etc.) My mom actually cuts up the cake and layers it in a parfait bowl with the strawberries and Cool Whip. So it can be pretty. But then you'd have to be sure everyone wanted the same thing and that it would all be eaten.



Here is the finished product. I cut the cake into 15 pieces, and each person started out with two pieces b/c they're so thin. Pardon the chipped bowl. :)



You think he's tired of my taking his picture? ;)



Happy 32nd Birthday, my sweets!

Nuchal Fold Results

I'm kind of in a blogging rut.

I have pictures that I've taken. Things I want to post.

But things here are busy, and I'm tired a lot.

And I'm starting to get those nagging pregnancy headaches that are really irritating.

Anyway...briefly...

I went back to the high risk doctor today so they could do the measurements for the nuchal fold scan. These measurements, combined with the blood work (that had already been sent off) would give me a 95% accuracy of whether or not this baby has Down syndrome.

The results were normal.

Big exhale.

My chances (based on a previous baby w/DS and my age) were 1 in 125 before this test.

Now they are 1 in 2500.

However, the baby was stubborn and would not turn over and let the tec measure his/her nasal bone, so the results were only 90% accurate instead of 95%.

Either way, we had already planned to get an amnio done just to know for sure.

So we go back on October 20 to do that. The results, which will be 99.4 to 100% accurate, will take about 10 days to get back.

I think those will be a long 10 days.

I haven't really been worried.

But today, when the tec started the ultrasound, the baby was very, very still.

Matthew and I couldn't see any movement.

I kept looking and looking for the heart to see the heartbeat.

I think I stopped breathing involuntarily a couple of times.

But then I saw it.

Another big exhale.

When does the worry stop?

I mean, sure, the baby might be born healthy with no defects and then get cancer at age two.

Or die in a car accident at age 13.

Ugh.

Then I remember.

I hope in something...Someone...far bigger than my fears.

I am loved and held by the One Who made the universe and Who made me. The One Who knows what is best for me.

'Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.'

Isaiah 41:10

Big exhale.

Six-Month Chunks of Time

First of all, don't fear! I will post the recipe for the Strawberry Sprite Cake soon! It is SUPER easy and tasty! Look for it soon.

I am feeling nostalgic today.

Probably because I have been with Andrew 24-7 for almost two weeks (with short breaks) and am About. To. Wring. His. Neck.

So I started trying to put things in perspective and thought about how he is just about 3 1/2 years old, and Benjamin is almost 1 1/2 years old.

Crazy.

Six months of time.

Over and over.

And over.

Here is a snapshot of my life as a mother, starting at the very beginning.

Six months at a time.

(Or something like that. Sometimes five or eight. But roughly half a year.)

October 2005--Expecting Andrew (Blissfully unaware)



March 2006--Newborn Andrew (Calm before the storm)



October 2006--Andrew's first Halloween



May 2007--Not realizing how easy life is with only one kid



September 2007--First carousel ride (I'm expecting Benjamin.)



April 2008--Two brothers (Let the real insanity begin!)



October 2008--Halloween (post-heart operation)



March 2009--Hanging out in the yard (Finally starting to get in the groove.)



September 2009--My silly boys and me (Expecting baby #3)



Wow.

In roughly another six months, I will have a four-year-old son, a two-year-old son, and a newborn Katherine or Thomas.

Lots more love in my heart.

And fewer brain cells on which to operate.

Stay tuned...

No pictures this week

Well, Matthew came home for the weekend, and it was great to see him! On Saturday he participated in another sprint triathlon, so I took the boys to my mom's school's Fall Festival, where we had TONS of fun! I'll post pics later.

The reason I can't post pics until later in the week is because Matthew is out of town again. Until Thursday. And he has the camera. Because he had an extra day (today) and drove to NYC.

NYC!! I talked to him on the phone earlier today as he was walking through Times Square, my favorite part of NYC.

Sigh.

Speaking of NYC, Andrew and I are watching the U.S. Open Men's Tennis Final. Del Potro is giving Federer a run for his money, but I have faith that Federer will prevail.

He's pretty unstoppable.

As you can see about 16 seconds into this video, from the semifinal yesterday.

Unstoppable. (Make the video fullscreen so you can see it better.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37qyvTRVus8

We have a pretty normal week this week, despite the fact that I'm a single mom again.

Preschool tomorrow, dinner at Mom's tomorrow night, PT for Baby B on Wednesday, preschool on Thursday and then Matthew will be home!

Speaking of Matthew, his 32nd birthday is this Friday, so we're going to eat at Mom's house. His choice: chicken enchiladas, mexican rice, refried beans, chips & salsa, and a strawberry Sprite cake with Cool Whip and strawberries.

Yum.

Hope you all have a great week! Hopefully the weekend will come quickly. :)

Oh, thanks for all the advice on the mailbox gardening project. I am not going to do anything with it this week since Matthew is not here, but in the next week or two, I will be tackling it! I'll be sure to take pics and update you.

**UPDATE**

WOW! I guess Federer wasn't so unstoppable after all!! He lost! It was a wonderful match, and I am very proud of Del Potro!! Both men handled it like gentlemen. :)

Now I'm on a break from sports until college basketball March Madness. LOL